So I don’t really know what to say to many people that might help them. All I can say is that, to many I seem like I am always on top of the world and happy. To be honest I am just as sad, anxious and everso searching for that purpose to get up and do something fulfilling.
I also having that underlining feeling of anguish and inferiority. I feel as if I having a gaping whole in my chest that leaks out emptiness and longing. Truth is I blame myself for everything that occurs and putting up a front for many. I am unhappy with my own progress and my inability to actually do something about it due to my own lack of resolve.
I put all problems that surround environment on myself and let it way on me in my silence. I choose to be selfish so others can see that valuable things that they have in life. I put myself under all these harsh conditions as I seek validation for my actions from the ones that I value, at the end of the day we all just wish to be noticed.
That simple act of being acknowledged is enough to push anyone to succeed. Unfortunately I was never one who had many role models in my life, who I could turn to for inspiration or guidance. The few figures I had, were all torn away from me, snipped from life and I guess that caused me to resent myself for not being able appreciate them more and truly show my gratitude.
Even as I’m writing this, there are so many people out there that I genuinely think are amazing and it makes me happy to be apart of their lives as I can offer them some guidance that was out of my reach. I say this with a heavy heart but I will never be able to let people into my heart with comfort and affirmation. It seems that my wounds are too deep to recover. I will never hold it against anyone and I’ll always be there to reconcile with others but only as a tattered shield and not a maternal home.
This piece is all about knowing that others feel the same and even if you cant put it into words, just know that those feels that you have, you dont have to harbor them alone. Reach out to others before it’s too late to recover from your wounds.
life2022 